Possible Symptoms of Abuse

Possible Symptoms of Abuse

A decision to tell people about sexual abuse or to confront a perpetrator can be healing, experts say. However, coming to terms with what happened long ago can be threatening, because it may result in the rearranging of one's entire world view. A reconsideration of one's career, marriage and family are likely to occur. In some cases, divorce results as a spouse can't live with a partner's pain and becomes frustrated at not being able to do anything about it.

Oftentimes children will keep abuse a secret because they don't have the language to describe it, or they don't think anyone will believe them. This was especially true until recent years, when childhood sexual abuse has become more openly discussed. Childhood victims are also often frightened into keeping the secret by the perpetrator, who may have threatened to harm the child or those dear to him/her if they tell anyone about what happened. Many children do believe they are somehow at least partially to blame for the abuse and, because of the shame, will not come forward.

The single most hurtful comment that relatives frequently make to older victims of childhood sexual abuse is: "Gee, it happened such a long time ago, just get over it." Why, I asked, why am I incapable of recalling my feelings or emotions in relation to those events? Why is there a void? Should I confront my abuser? I recall certain incidents, were there others which I have suppressed? There were so many questions...

Survivors of trauma frequently require a lot of time to understand what happened to them and be able to communicate it.

Let's look at some possible symptoms of abuse:

Fear of being alone.

Afraid to be touched, hugged, etc.

Fear of intimacy.

Fear of being out of control; going crazy.

Fear of sexuality or sexual feelings.

Unexplained fears relating to own children (i.e., Desperately fearing that your children may end up experiencing what you did; constant hovering over them or at least feeling anxiety about them, particularly as they reach the age at which you were abused)

Hiding or protecting self by wearing baggy clothing.

Carrying extra weight in an effort to protect self from looking desirable.

Compulsive and/or addictive behavior (eating, shopping, working, sex, smoking, drinking, etc.)

Self-destructive behavior; feeling self hatred, even to the point of self-mutilation or self-destruction; suicidal thoughts and/or attempts.

Guilt, shame (i.e., having recurring thoughts such as: "Somethings wrong with me." "I was seductive - I wanted it." "I am dirty and stained forever." "I am alone and I exist to be taken advantage of." "I am only good for sex." "I deserve to be abused." "I deserve only bad things.")

Anger issues (i.e,. fear of expressing anger, fearing that if you let go of your anger, you might do something dangerous or never be able to regain control, constant anger, disproportionate anger)

Feeling like damaged goods, not worthy of others' love; if married, feeling especially unworthy of a spouse's love.

Excessive nurturing of others while ignoring own needs or wants or a "nurturing mother type" for many people.

Having unexplained difficulty with things like bathing own children.

Promiscuity (inability to say no, believe you're a sex object only good for sex; feeling that your value is primarily in your sexuality.

Giving sex to feel love, giving love to get sex - difficulty distinguishing between the desire for intimacy and desire for sex.

Repressed sexuality; avoidance of sex.

Memory gaps of early years.

Flashbacks: feel, hear, smell, dream, etc., certain events, and not necessarily know the meaning.

Inability to feel loved unconditionally and accepted by God.

Anger toward God

Difficulty trusting God